Empathy for Product Managers
In his insightful book Articulating Design Decisions, Tom Greever writes:
Empathy is a big buzz word in UX. If we can develop true empathy for our users, we’ll build better applications. But what about our stakeholders? We need to empathize with them, too, if we really expect to get through to them.
Greever points out a critical gap in many technology teams: the lack of empathy towards stakeholders. As a Product Manager, hearing phrases like “understanding stakeholders' goals” and “aligning priorities” is common, but “empathizing with stakeholders”? In all my years of experience I can barely recollect this being hinted at, let alone emphasized.
UX Researchers often present their findings in a framework that analyzes the commonalities and differences between a user’s measurable actions (“what people do”), their opinions (“what people say”), and their internal thoughts, feelings, motivations and biases (“what people think”). This deep dive into users' minds helps identify hidden risks, for example where there is misalignment between what people say and do, and ensures products serve users' true needs, not just their stated needs. Surprisingly, we fail to understand that our stakeholders are no more rational or transparent than our users. Product Managers are broadly trained to dig deep with stakeholders and ask “five why’s” in order to ensure that we are solving the right problems for our business and users, and yet this is often treated as a clinical exercise: ask the right questions, and the truth will be revealed. Good UX Researchers know that uncovering what people truly think is not simply a matter of phrasing or perseverance - it requires trust, emotional connection, and empathy.
Why do many technology teams fail to make this connection? There are several factors:
Most Product Managers face the challenge of balancing numerous stakeholders with limited time. While it's tempting to dismiss deep emotional engagement as a squishy “soft skill” lacking concrete ROI, this mindset overlooks the potential benefits of empathetic stakeholder research, which can lead to more meaningful insights in a short time. What PM wouldn’t want to spend the least amount of time possible building exactly the right thing? While not a silver bullet, stakeholder empathy helps advance us towards that Platonic ideal by ensuring that we understand our stakeholders’ underlying feelings and beliefs throughout the product development process.
Empathy is hard to measure, and as Peter Drucker observed, “what gets measured gets managed”. Currently, I am not aware of any widely accepted methods for quantifying empathy in the workplace. Attempts to use anecdotal evidence or peer feedback often fall short, as they can mistakenly equate empathy with simple friendliness. Without a reliable way to measure empathy towards stakeholders, I believe it remains one of the many skills a Product Manager simply must develop, rewarded solely and implicitly through the creation of superior products.
Empathy is a difficult skill for many people.
Let’s unpack this last one a bit. Empathy requires vulnerability, and inherent to vulnerability is the risk of rejection or negative judgment. By opening up, we expose ourselves to the possibility that our experiences, thoughts, or feelings may not be well-received, which can be quite emotionally painful. This risk is heightened in the workplace, where unlike in personal relationships where we can choose our close contacts, we often don't have the choice of selecting our stakeholders. These stakeholders may have vastly different skill sets, motivations, and backgrounds. Despite these differences, it is precisely this diversity that makes vulnerability a powerful tool for building empathy. By embracing our vulnerabilities, we not only show our authentic selves but also encourage others to do the same, fostering a culture of openness and understanding. This process can bridge gaps between varying perspectives, leading to a more cohesive and empathetic working environment. This perspective is crucial for product managers to embrace vulnerability as a means of deepening stakeholder relationships and building better products.
One last note of caution: empathy must be a full-time part of your product practice to be effective. Your stakeholders will notice if you are only empathetic when you need something from them. Similarly, I have worked for leaders who seemed to approach empathy as a point of leverage, to be tactically deployed only at critical times such as delivering a review or at a team offsite. This inevitably comes off as inauthentic and manipulative. The more you can authentically open yourself up on a consistent basis, the more little work empathy will do for you.
